So much has happened since I last wrote. I should first maybe talk about my baptism and my surprise birthday party!
My baptism, was a wonderful experience. I was stressed about it a little towards the end of the week, mostly falling all the way back into the water, thankfully Leanne showed me a helpful hint on how to bend back. I wasn't sure how I would feel after being baptized, other than cold (obviously) I knew that it was something I felt I needed to do, but I wasn't sure why. I have always had trouble accepting "god's love". I never felt worthy based on a lot of decisions I had made in past years, however, having a physical act to represent my faith and acceptance in God along with the "washing away" of my sins really affected me. I feel closer to God than before and more deserving of his love. Since being baptized I have tried to be more conscious about my actions, how I deal with situations, how I interact with others, what I can do to help, how not to sin. For now I have decided to abstain from sex, I am lucky to have Ryan's support with this decision. Although I am still fairly "uneducated" in the religious world, I am blessed to have Leanne, who is always there to help me, answer my questions, keep me in check :) Thank you Leanne! I am really looking forward to our relationship becoming more spiritual, and faith oriented.
My Birthday was also wonderful. I had been down most of the week since my dad was leaving a week after my birthday. I had also sort of forgotten that it was my birthday since my baptism was taking center stage in my thoughts. The night before my birthday I asked Ryan if we could go to target to pick out my presents (He lets me pick out my own). I told him I wanted to go at night instead of after my baptism as we originally planned incase my parents wanted to go out to dinner or something, he said we would be doing something after but wouldn't tell me what, then I guessed we would be going bowling.
So after my baptism Ryan, his mom, my dad and I went bowling, my mom didn't come cause she had an "interview". When we got back to my house after bowling (which was a blast!) there were balloons on the mailbox and cars all over, I saw one of my best friends from High School walking up my driveway and started getting excited. I walked in the door and all of our friends and family were there, the house was decorated, there was food set out, it was the best gift! I started hugging people, which led to my crying (I'm not sure why I've become so emotional in recent months/years). Then Devin and Katelin gave me a lifetime supply of Tea, Reese's and Sour string candy, they are crazy and I love them! My parents gave me luggage stuff, which initially freaked me out because I thought they were sending me a "hidden message" and Ryan's parents got me Cornhole, which I Love but still suck at. So that was an amazing night. The days after weren't so good though. . .
I started having really bad panic attacks which my doctor said was probably due to stress of school and my dad leaving, so I spent a lot of time worried or sleeping. The great news was on Friday morning, the day before he was going to leave my dad decided not to take the job in Iowa! I of course cried and called Leanne and Ryan. I am excited he is not going yet, I know he will probably end up having to take a job somewhere out of town, but I'm glad there is still a chance he might stay around here!
So it has obviously been an emotional roller coaster, I have felt a lot better about things with prayer though, lifting things up to god and not worrying about them so much is getting a little easier. This week is going to be intense I have a lot of stuff to do for school, as does Ryan, but after it is over all we have to do is work, work, work! Hopefully I will be hearing from Starbucks this week!!
It is 4:20am, I should go to sleep, lots of studying to get to! If your made it this far thanks for reading!!